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Thursday, 05 July 2018 10:16

6 Things You Probably Never Realized Are IVF Shaming

By MEGAN ZANDER

Going through IVF can be an extremely draining time, both emotionally and financially. For couples experiencing infertility struggles, IVF is often the final chance they have to conceive a child that shares their genes. With stress at an all-time high, the last thing a couple needs is friends and family making them feel shame over their decision to undergo a cycle. But sometimes even things said with the best intentions can make us feel awful about our choice. Here are some common things friends and family say and do that you might not realize are actually IVF shaming.

Saying, "It will happen if you just relax."
Infertility is a documented medical condition, not a psychological one. Telling us the reason we're not pregnant is because we're not relaxed enough is like calling us liars, when we likely have years worth of test results (not to mention needle welts) to prove otherwise. Unless you have one of those fancy medical diplomas on your wall, skip the opinions and offer us cupcakes instead -- that always helps.

2. Asking, "Why don't you just adopt?"

It's true that IVF can cost around the same as an adoption. But like IVF, even with adoption there are no guarantees that you'll end up with a baby at the end of the process. And couples without fertility issues aren't pressured to "just adopt." Why should we be made to feel guilty for wanting a genetic connection to our child?

3. Getting annoyed at us when we can't make plans due to our medication schedule.

6 o'clock means 6 o'clock. When you're paying thousands of dollars for something that you've been dreaming of for years, you're not willing to let 6:03 be "pretty much the same thing." And no, a cooler with an ice pack is not the same thing as a refrigerator.

4. Repeatedly mentioning how expensive IVF is.

Yes, IVF costs thousands of dollars, most of which isn't covered by insurance. Many couples drain their savings, do a complicated credit card tango, or even borrow money from friends and family to cover the cost of treatment. But unless we're asking you to help foot the bill, how we spend our paychecks really isn't your business. If you aren't looking to make a donation to our medical fund, please leave the money advice to our financial planner.

5. Inquiring, "Have you tried acupuncture / sex in a special position / sex at the full moon / vitamins / meditation / this magic potion / voodoo?"

When a couple is dealing with infertility, they leave no stone unturned in their quest to get pregnant. Chances are whatever your grand plan is, we've already tried it with no success. Plus, when you suggest an alternative method besides IVF, you're not being supportive -- you're questioning my decision and low-key saying you know my own body better than I (or my doctors) do. Please don't be that person.

6. Telling us the story of your cousin's sister's best friend's neighbor who got pregnant naturally after unsuccessful IVF.

We know you're trying to be helpful. But hearing about other people beating the odds makes us feel like you're trying to tell us that we're wasting our time and money on IVF treatments. If you want to be a good friend, offer us an ice pack for our injection-sore butt, or better yet, tell us you'll be there for us no matter what.
Learn more about international surrogacy:
Delivering Dreams helps couples throughout the US struggling with infertility have children. Located in NJ and Kyiv, Ukraine, our amazing medical facilities and professionals, surrogates and donors are in Ukraine, because Ukrainian law protects the rights of parents and their children from inception at affordable costs and high success rates.

Unique to Delivering Dreams, we offer guaranteed not to exceed, all-inclusive pricing and contracts under US law to provide prospective parents legal and financial security.

1 in 6 couples are struggling with infertility. You are not alone. We want to be your path to parenthood.

Would you like to learn more? Please contact us to share your challenges, ask questions and discuss solutions. This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it., www.international-surrogacy.com, 1.908.386.3864.

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The support was great. It was easy on us that the coordination was done by the delivering dreams team while being completely transparent with us on the progress. The communication with the delivering dreams team was always fast, responsive, and easy.
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Doyles
I loved working with Susan and her team and highly recommend them to anyone considering her services. She's is great at every aspect of a process and knows how to handle delicate matters.
Diana Lyakhovetska
Susan truly understands the needs of parents using surrogacy, and offers comprehensive emotional support to parents as they experience the journey!
Christine Hughes Pontier
The team at Delivering Dreams is amazing! Their attention to detail and ability to put your mind at ease while growing your family is like none other. They handled everything for us, and I never once doubted they would help us accomplish our dreams.
Margaret Jones
I’ve known Susan for several years now, and I’ve always been impressed by her attention to her clients’ needs. I’ve known her to work ardently and diligently to solve whatever challenges, no matter how unique, that prevent her clients from completing their families. She is a problem-solver, and she earnestly believes in providing the best options and in making surrogacy opportunities realities: this is not merely a business for Susan. She will help customize the process for your needs and to ...
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Mary Woods
Susan has a keen sense of business and goes to the max to solve her clients’ problems. She is super knowledgeable on business, laws and how things work in surrogacy in general, and specifically on Ukrainian surrogacy. She is an advocate for transparency in a market that’s often opaque and full of hidden risks. I really enjoyed working with Susan. She really pays attention to detail and was always looking out for my best interest above all. Highly recommend!
Laurie Tham
Delivering Dreams goes above and beyond what other surrogacy agencies offer. After speaking with Susan, I see how they anticipate every part of the process, down to details that I had never even considered. I didn’t know what I didn’t know! Surrogacy can be really complicated and confusing. What an amazing sense of relief to have a company so dedicated to managing the WHOLE process and taking away as much of the stress as possible.
Kate Varness
I have gotten to know Susan through a group where we are members. I have found her to be a genuine and caring person. Her consideration for others and love of her work with Ukrainian surrogates and parents-to-be are evident in all her decision making. She is passionate about being a force for the greater good and helping where she can. I have been amazed at the way she is able to smoothly navigate the complicated maze of requirements in the surrogacy process. I am happy to give her my highest...
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Rose Anne Barbour Huck
Susan Kibler is kind.  She clearly loves those she works with and loves what she does.  Susan listens deeply and compassionately and can make you laugh all in the space of one conversation.  She is wonderful!  If you are feeling worried, she'll hear you.  If you have questions, she will find answers for you. If you need help, she does her very best to support you.  I feel so fortunate to have found her and imagine you will too.
Frances Russell
Susan has the ability to really connect on a personal level quickly.  I have found her easy to talk to and have been so grateful for her guidance.  She is one of those people who offers so much to her clients.  She sees the big picture and has a heart for the most intimate concerns.  She is highly skilled and able to manage what can certainly be challenging and uncomfortable experiences, making them feel easier.  She will take charge at the perfect times and guide you when you really need her...
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Susan Seare
The international surrogacy world is complicated. Susan Kibler knows its ins-and-outs. She knows the people and outfits you can trust and the ones to avoid. She insists on the best for her clients and handles the details so they don't have to worry about them. If you want to take the international surrogacy journey, you can trust Delivering Dreams International Surrogacy Agency to guide you on that path.
Nancy Linnerooth
My friend and I had a positive experience working with Susan. Susan is always super responsive and caring. She is very professional, helpful and reliable. My friend has soo much troubles trying having a baby for many years. My friend and her husband were about to give up their dream of having a baby. Susan Kersch Kibler found the way to help. She has unlimited energy, attentive to detail and super efficient. Great to work with!
Polina Clend
Susan is passionate about helping people become families. She is a trustworthy confidant to have on your side.
Kristen Ancker
Our experience with Delivering Dreams has been overwhelmingly positive. The team seems to be genuinely dedicated to helping us to realize our dream of having a child. The constant communication leading up to the trip and the numerous touch points made us feel comforted in what has been a very challenging and uncomfortable situation. We always had streamlined communication through the group chat and was frequently checked on during our stay.
Marilyn

Under Ukrainian law, surrogacy is a legal affordable option for traditionally married couples to have children using their own embryos, or with either an egg or sperm donor. There must be a medical reason you can’t carry a child. You are also able to participate if you have had 4 unsuccessful IVF attempts.

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Under Ukrainian law, surrogacy is a legal affordable option for traditionally married couples to have children using their own embryos, or with either an egg or sperm donor. There must be a medical reason you can’t carry a child. You are also able to participate if you have had 4 unsuccessful IVF attempts.