I found a surrogate
I Found A Surrogate — Then I Got Pregnant
We probably looked like friends grabbing a casual Thursday-night bite: My husband, Paul, and I on one side of the leather booth at an unmemorable chain restaurant; Samantha, James, and their bubbly toddlers, Mason and Milah, on the other. In reality, Paul and I had never met the family face-to-face before. We’d spoken once to Sam, then drove two hours to London, ON, from our home in Toronto to ask her for a life-changing favour. Sharing a plate of deep-fried pickles, and our deepest hopes and fears, it seemed like as good as time as any to ask, "Samantha, will you be our surrogate?"
This wasn’t how I envisioned becoming a parent. That version included only Paul and me — certainly not a young couple with a family of their own. Then again, nothing has gone how I imagined it would when we began to try for a baby more than two and a half years ago. We put in our best efforts for six months before my impatience and encroaching mid-thirties led us to seek medical advice. At first, I didn’t mind the daily trips to the fertility clinic to get poked and prodded. Then came the miscarriage that trapped me under the covers for days; then the failed rounds of IVF. Month after month, I put on a brave face while giving myself hormone injections in restaurant bathrooms so I wouldn’t have to reschedule a client dinner yet again.
“I kept it together during the day so no one would know I couldn’t have a baby. Or that I even wanted one.”
Sticking myself with a needle in the hopes of boosting my egg count became as mundane as brushing my teeth. Each cycle, I’d pump myself full of estrogen, vitamins, and a positive outlook only to crash when I heard my uterine lining likely wouldn’t get thick enough for an embryo transfer, or worse, that the embryo we optimistically decided to transfer anyway, didn’t take. I’d cry on the way into work, then remain dry-eyed until in bed that night, insistent I keep it together during the day so no one would know I couldn’t have a baby. Or that I even wanted one. As the managing director of a cutting-edge PR agency, part of me felt I should all but pretend I didn’t want kids. Diapers and playdates didn’t seem to fit the image I was building as a driven go-getter.
Finally, our fertility doctor broke the news: Surrogacy would be our best, and maybe only, option. Logically, I knew this was a clear path to building our family. After all, I wanted to have a baby, not a pregnancy. We were blessed to have healthy embryos for the baby and give birth. But hearing the s-word crushed me. I had built my identity around being an overachiever. And now I felt like a failure.
a surrogate to carry, eliminating the need for egg and sperm donors. And the concept was simple enough: A surrogate would be implanted with our embryo through IVF. She would carry
Up to 16 per cent of Canadians struggle with infertility, and yet no one is really talking about it. Surrogacy is even more hush-hush, despite the fact it’s estimated to have increased 400% in Canada in the past decade. The rise can be attributed to many factors, a major one being more couples waiting until they’re older to start families. Others include everything from cigarette smoking, alcohol, exposure to environmental factors and male infertility. "Most of us assume that whenever we’re ready to have a child we can make that happen. When that’s not the case, it’s common to experience a deep sense of shame,” says Reina Zatylny, a Toronto-based social worker with a specialty in infertility. "People feel like 'the other,' like outsiders. They’re less likely to talk with people because they don’t feel they understand." Yup. I wanted to scream every time I was told I would get pregnant if I "just relaxed" or "didn’t think about it."
“Hearing the s-word crushed me. I had built my identity around being an overachiever. And now I felt like a failure.”
From Refinery29 Article by Amanda Shuchat
Learn More About International Surrogacy In Ukraine:
Delivering Dreams helps couples throughout the world struggling with infertility have children. Located in NJ and Kyiv and Lviv, Ukraine, our amazing medical facilities and professionals, surrogates and donors are in Ukraine, because Ukrainian law protects the rights of parents and their children from inception at affordable costs and high success rates.
Unique to Delivering Dreams, we offer guaranteed not to exceed, all-inclusive pricing and contracts under US law to provide prospective parents legal and financial security.
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