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Tuesday, 08 May 2018 14:20

Setting the Record Straight: Surrogacy Myths vs. Reality

BY DANIELLE SHAPIRO

“Don’t have a yard sale in your uterus.”

So goes Roseanne Conner’s advice to her daughter, Becky, in the reboot of “Roseanne” (now on ABC).

In the 21 years since the original series went off the air, Becky is now a widowed waitress. With mounting bills to pay, she decides to become a surrogate. Her approach to selling her eggs and her uterus is nothing short of cavalier. To her, it’s strictly a for-profit enterprise.

Yes, the show is using surrogacy as a way to talk about ethics in the fertility game – Dad Dan is upset because he feels that she is “selling off his grandbabies.” He throws stuff and goes off to the garage to drown his sorrows in beer after he finds out Becky’s get-rich scheme.

It is also a poignant way to talk about class dynamics, a central theme in the beloved show. Andrea, the intended parent, is a clueless snob who brings “ionized” water in glass bottles to the Conners and offers a monthly delivery of fresh organic pears. Prior to Andrea’s visit, Becky runs around hiding all the pictures of Rosanne looking “fat” — since she doesn’t want her to think that obesity runs in the family — and cleans the furniture trying to “get 10 years of Cheetos dust off the table.”

“Please put away anything you got free with a tank of gas,” she implores.

Using this scenario as a metaphor, I suppose I am Andrea. After all, I used a gestational carrier to give birth to my twins. But I’m nothing like Andrea — I don’t think I’ve ever tasted ionized water — and the experience was nothing like it’s portrayed on TV.

First of all, “traditional” surrogacy — in which the surrogate uses her own eggs — is not as common these days. The Baby M case from the 1980s, when a surrogate decided keep the baby, is a good example of what happens when the surrogate is biologically connected with the child she is carrying.

More common today is gestational surrogacy, in which the gestational carrier uses an embryo created by the intended parents, either with their own eggs and sperm, or with those from third-party donors. This usually isn’t done on a whim or to maintain a beach body. Surrogates should be used only “when a true medical condition precludes the intended parent from carrying a pregnancy or would pose a significant risk of death or harm to the woman or the fetus,” according to the guidelines of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine.

Another major inaccuracy of the show: that Becky would become a surrogate without any formal legal arrangements or medical review. A doctor’s visit would be necessary to be sure that she would be a viable donor and carrier for the baby. Because, if “Roseanne” were real life, Becky would not be. She’s lying about her age — saying she is 32 when, in fact, she is 43. This is way too old to be an egg donor or carrier, a role that usually tops out at 30. (And, as we learned in this week’s episode, this fact comes back to bite her.)

But perhaps most egregious is the portrayal of surrogacy as strictly transactional. It’s a common myth that surrogates are in it for the money. My gestational carrier, for example, was not cash starved. She was a full-time professional and a married mother of three kids. When we first met, I was struck by her commitment to helping us complete our family, something she felt a deep calling to do from a young age, she said.

In fact, prior to our meeting, she had helped another couple have a baby. From our first Skype conversation to the birth, there was never any pretense or hiding — she was someone who cared deeply about family and thought carefully about her role.

Yes, there was money involved. But nothing could repay my gestational carrier for the months that she carried my twins — feeling their kicks, feeding them with healthy food, and caring for them as they grew larger and larger.

Our lives became very close. Over many meals, I got to know her mom and her wonderful kids over the course of the nine months. We attended the important medical visits together and texted a lot, especially when there was a little kick or a craving.

In fact, from the minute we agreed to this arrangement, there was nothing but love and care.
The night of the birth was a family affair: my husband and I were there when the babies were born, her husband made videos, and her mom watched her grandkids (and she also made colorful bibs for the babies). We were a team, joined in this incredible effort to create new lives.

Recently, during spring break, our families got together. Our gestational carrier showered my girls, Now four years old with presents: sequined tutu dresses, sparkly purses, fruit-flavored lip glosses, and their first taste of bubble gum.

There is a deep bond between us that will never be erased. My kids lived in her tummy, after all. They are just starting to learn about minds this unique story since mommy has a “broken belly.” They will know at the bottom of their hearts that they were truly wanted and cared for by everyone involved in their birth.

People might disagree about whether surrogacy is the “right” way to have children. But for my family, it was the best way. We are extremely fortunate to have a generous and loving gestational carrier. And while “Rosanne” is fictional, the series should nonetheless be honest with their viewers about all surrogacy entails.

(some sections of this article related to politics in the US were not included.

The entire article and comments can be found at https://www.kveller.com/what-roseanne-gets-wrong-about-surrogacy/

Surrogacy in Ukraine is highly regulated. Surrogates must be of a certain age and have had a healthy child naturally. All parties are supported and screened psychologically. Surrogacy is never entered into by any of the parties in a cavalier attitude.

Delivering Dreams helps couples throughout the US struggling with infertility have children. Located in NJ and Kyiv Ukraine, our amazing medical facilities and professionals, surrogates and donors are in Ukraine, because Ukrainian law protects the rights of parents and their children from inception at affordable costs and high success rates.

Unique to Delivering Dreams, we offer guaranteed not to exceed, all-inclusive pricing and contracts under US law to provide prospective parents legal and financial security.

1 in 6 couples are struggling with infertility. You are not alone. We want to be your path to parenthood.

Would you like to learn more? Please contact us to share your challenges, ask questions and discuss solutions. This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it., 1.908.386.3864.

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I am very satisfied with the medical services. Coordinator Lyubov was always in touch, answered any questions quickly and clearly, and helped in any difficult situations. The level of personal support and genuine concern for my health and well-being was 100 percent. I am very pleased that I am going through the surrogacy program with this agency. I feel protected and confident. I really like the attitude of the agency, timely payments, and the curator and manager make sure that pregnant girl...
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Olga T.
I am very pleased to meet such beautiful and kind people Hello everyone, I'm Myroslava and I'm going through my SM program at the Delivering Dreams agency. I want to express a big thank you to the girls who cooperate with me, who worry about my condition, who are always in touch, and who always support me - Omelchuk Lyubov and Anna Levchenko. I've already been to a program and therefore I have something to compare it with, this agency and the staff are at the highest level. And also the doct...
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Myroslava
Hallo Oksana,  vielen Dank für Deine ausführliche Erklärung. Wir haben alles gut verstanden. Das zeichnet due Arbeit von Euch und Eurem Ärzteteam aus. So kann man gut vertrauen. Hello Oksana, Thank you very much for your detailed explanation. We understood everything well. This is what distinguishes the work of you and your medical team. This is a good way to trust.
German couple
One of the best teams and my program! Hello! I want to share my experience and my impression of my program, one of the best programs, and the team from the Delivering Dreams Agency! Great attitude, attentive staff, responsible! Always in touch 24/7! Lyubov Omelchuk is a wonderful person, she was with me from the first minute of implantation until the end of the entire program! I am grateful that Lyubov was always with me! People of their word! Staff who never let you down! I highly recommend...
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Anna Priazhnikova
DD is outstanding We have just returned home to California with our beautiful daughter who was born in Lviv. The Delivering Dreams team made our trip so easy and straightforward. From our arrival to Ukraine to our departure, they had everything covered. The constant communication from the team is amazing. All of our paperwork for the embassy was properly prepared and organized. I cannot recommend them enough, we are even thinking about having another baby with DD!
Andrey Frenkel
Thank you very much Dear Oksana, Thank you very much for the great news. We still can't believe it and are totally speechless. The work you do under these difficult conditions cannot be put into words. Thank you very much for that. Liebe Oksana, vielen Dank für die super schöne Neuigkeit. Wir können es noch gar nicht glauben und sind total sprachlos. Was Ihr für eine Arbeit leistet, unter den schweren Bedingungen,  kann man nicht in Worte fassen. Vielen herzlichen Dank dafür.
Couple from Germany
Very friendly, pleasant team I am very grateful to the international surrogacy agency Delivering Dreams for such a short period of experience that dispelled all doubts and the remains of incomprehensible questions that were before and during this program, but I had a wonderful curator Lyuba who did not leave me for a second even on distances?❤️ This is how experienced, pleasant, kind woman you want to go to the program at least immediately after finishing the first one! Very friendly, pleasa...
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Angelina
Thank you for the wonderful experience and the opportunity to help future parents. I also want to thank Lyubov Omelchuk (Delivering Dreams) for her kindness and empathy, she was always in touch throughout the program, especially since the rehabilitation course is based on the supervision and advice of the curator. My worries about the procedure were in vain because everything went perfectly, thanks to the 24/7 support of the curator and qualified doctors Дякую за чудовий досвід, та змогу...
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Angelina
I recommend this agency. I was a surrogate mother in this agency, I really liked everything. The doctors treated me well and explained everything clearly. Curator Lyuba and Anya are always in touch and answer all questions, always supporting. I recommend this agency. Я була сур мама в цьому агентство, мені все дуже сподобалося лікарі гарно відносяться, розповідають все доступно. Куратор Люба і Аня завжди на зв'язку і відповідать на всі запитання, завжди підтримують. Рекомендую це агентство.
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Thank you very much for worrying about me.  I really want to start the program at Delivery Dreams agency. The doctors here are extraordinary. Coordinator Lyubov is also extraordinary, always in touch and worries about me. After the hysteroscopy, Lyubochka is on the phone with me 24/7. Thank you very much for worrying about me. I hope that my program will start soon and I will present the baby to the biological parents. Thank you for being there!?? Я дуже хочу почати програму в агенстві De...
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Nastya

Under Ukrainian law, surrogacy is a legal affordable option for traditionally married couples to have children using their own embryos, or with either an egg or sperm donor. There must be a medical reason you can’t carry a child. You are also able to participate if you have had 4 unsuccessful IVF attempts.

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Under Ukrainian law, surrogacy is a legal affordable option for traditionally married couples to have children using their own embryos, or with either an egg or sperm donor. There must be a medical reason you can’t carry a child. You are also able to participate if you have had 4 unsuccessful IVF attempts.