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Thursday, 05 July 2018 10:16

6 Things You Probably Never Realized Are IVF Shaming

By MEGAN ZANDER

Going through IVF can be an extremely draining time, both emotionally and financially. For couples experiencing infertility struggles, IVF is often the final chance they have to conceive a child that shares their genes. With stress at an all-time high, the last thing a couple needs is friends and family making them feel shame over their decision to undergo a cycle. But sometimes even things said with the best intentions can make us feel awful about our choice. Here are some common things friends and family say and do that you might not realize are actually IVF shaming.

Saying, "It will happen if you just relax."
Infertility is a documented medical condition, not a psychological one. Telling us the reason we're not pregnant is because we're not relaxed enough is like calling us liars, when we likely have years worth of test results (not to mention needle welts) to prove otherwise. Unless you have one of those fancy medical diplomas on your wall, skip the opinions and offer us cupcakes instead -- that always helps.

2. Asking, "Why don't you just adopt?"

It's true that IVF can cost around the same as an adoption. But like IVF, even with adoption there are no guarantees that you'll end up with a baby at the end of the process. And couples without fertility issues aren't pressured to "just adopt." Why should we be made to feel guilty for wanting a genetic connection to our child?

3. Getting annoyed at us when we can't make plans due to our medication schedule.

6 o'clock means 6 o'clock. When you're paying thousands of dollars for something that you've been dreaming of for years, you're not willing to let 6:03 be "pretty much the same thing." And no, a cooler with an ice pack is not the same thing as a refrigerator.

4. Repeatedly mentioning how expensive IVF is.

Yes, IVF costs thousands of dollars, most of which isn't covered by insurance. Many couples drain their savings, do a complicated credit card tango, or even borrow money from friends and family to cover the cost of treatment. But unless we're asking you to help foot the bill, how we spend our paychecks really isn't your business. If you aren't looking to make a donation to our medical fund, please leave the money advice to our financial planner.

5. Inquiring, "Have you tried acupuncture / sex in a special position / sex at the full moon / vitamins / meditation / this magic potion / voodoo?"

When a couple is dealing with infertility, they leave no stone unturned in their quest to get pregnant. Chances are whatever your grand plan is, we've already tried it with no success. Plus, when you suggest an alternative method besides IVF, you're not being supportive -- you're questioning my decision and low-key saying you know my own body better than I (or my doctors) do. Please don't be that person.

6. Telling us the story of your cousin's sister's best friend's neighbor who got pregnant naturally after unsuccessful IVF.

We know you're trying to be helpful. But hearing about other people beating the odds makes us feel like you're trying to tell us that we're wasting our time and money on IVF treatments. If you want to be a good friend, offer us an ice pack for our injection-sore butt, or better yet, tell us you'll be there for us no matter what.
Learn more about international surrogacy:
Delivering Dreams helps couples throughout the US struggling with infertility have children. Located in NJ and Kyiv, Ukraine, our amazing medical facilities and professionals, surrogates and donors are in Ukraine, because Ukrainian law protects the rights of parents and their children from inception at affordable costs and high success rates.

Unique to Delivering Dreams, we offer guaranteed not to exceed, all-inclusive pricing and contracts under US law to provide prospective parents legal and financial security.

1 in 6 couples are struggling with infertility. You are not alone. We want to be your path to parenthood.

Would you like to learn more? Please contact us to share your challenges, ask questions and discuss solutions. This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it., www.international-surrogacy.com, 1.908.386.3864.

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I am very satisfied with the medical services. Coordinator Lyubov was always in touch, answered any questions quickly and clearly, and helped in any difficult situations. The level of personal support and genuine concern for my health and well-being was 100 percent. I am very pleased that I am going through the surrogacy program with this agency. I feel protected and confident. I really like the attitude of the agency, timely payments, and the curator and manager make sure that pregnant girl...
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Olga T.
I am very pleased to meet such beautiful and kind people Hello everyone, I'm Myroslava and I'm going through my SM program at the Delivering Dreams agency. I want to express a big thank you to the girls who cooperate with me, who worry about my condition, who are always in touch, and who always support me - Omelchuk Lyubov and Anna Levchenko. I've already been to a program and therefore I have something to compare it with, this agency and the staff are at the highest level. And also the doct...
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Myroslava
Hallo Oksana,  vielen Dank für Deine ausführliche Erklärung. Wir haben alles gut verstanden. Das zeichnet due Arbeit von Euch und Eurem Ärzteteam aus. So kann man gut vertrauen. Hello Oksana, Thank you very much for your detailed explanation. We understood everything well. This is what distinguishes the work of you and your medical team. This is a good way to trust.
German couple
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Anna Priazhnikova
DD is outstanding We have just returned home to California with our beautiful daughter who was born in Lviv. The Delivering Dreams team made our trip so easy and straightforward. From our arrival to Ukraine to our departure, they had everything covered. The constant communication from the team is amazing. All of our paperwork for the embassy was properly prepared and organized. I cannot recommend them enough, we are even thinking about having another baby with DD!
Andrey Frenkel
Thank you very much Dear Oksana, Thank you very much for the great news. We still can't believe it and are totally speechless. The work you do under these difficult conditions cannot be put into words. Thank you very much for that. Liebe Oksana, vielen Dank für die super schöne Neuigkeit. Wir können es noch gar nicht glauben und sind total sprachlos. Was Ihr für eine Arbeit leistet, unter den schweren Bedingungen,  kann man nicht in Worte fassen. Vielen herzlichen Dank dafür.
Couple from Germany
Very friendly, pleasant team I am very grateful to the international surrogacy agency Delivering Dreams for such a short period of experience that dispelled all doubts and the remains of incomprehensible questions that were before and during this program, but I had a wonderful curator Lyuba who did not leave me for a second even on distances?❤️ This is how experienced, pleasant, kind woman you want to go to the program at least immediately after finishing the first one! Very friendly, pleasa...
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Angelina
Thank you for the wonderful experience and the opportunity to help future parents. I also want to thank Lyubov Omelchuk (Delivering Dreams) for her kindness and empathy, she was always in touch throughout the program, especially since the rehabilitation course is based on the supervision and advice of the curator. My worries about the procedure were in vain because everything went perfectly, thanks to the 24/7 support of the curator and qualified doctors Дякую за чудовий досвід, та змогу...
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Angelina
I recommend this agency. I was a surrogate mother in this agency, I really liked everything. The doctors treated me well and explained everything clearly. Curator Lyuba and Anya are always in touch and answer all questions, always supporting. I recommend this agency. Я була сур мама в цьому агентство, мені все дуже сподобалося лікарі гарно відносяться, розповідають все доступно. Куратор Люба і Аня завжди на зв'язку і відповідать на всі запитання, завжди підтримують. Рекомендую це агентство.
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Thank you very much for worrying about me.  I really want to start the program at Delivery Dreams agency. The doctors here are extraordinary. Coordinator Lyubov is also extraordinary, always in touch and worries about me. After the hysteroscopy, Lyubochka is on the phone with me 24/7. Thank you very much for worrying about me. I hope that my program will start soon and I will present the baby to the biological parents. Thank you for being there!?? Я дуже хочу почати програму в агенстві De...
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Nastya

Under Ukrainian law, surrogacy is a legal affordable option for traditionally married couples to have children using their own embryos, or with either an egg or sperm donor. There must be a medical reason you can’t carry a child. You are also able to participate if you have had 4 unsuccessful IVF attempts.

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Under Ukrainian law, surrogacy is a legal affordable option for traditionally married couples to have children using their own embryos, or with either an egg or sperm donor. There must be a medical reason you can’t carry a child. You are also able to participate if you have had 4 unsuccessful IVF attempts.