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Tuesday, 05 June 2018 07:24

Love Letter to My Future Surrogate: Consider Ukrainian Surrogacy

In this beautiful and simple piece by Giselle Potter, all the concerns and stages of considering surrogacy and who your surrogate and donor will be are mentioned. They are similar to those in Ukrainian surrogacy.

Enjoy the article:

You, hello, waiting at Penn Station, are you my surrogate? You, walking past the diner in a small Texas town, is it you?

This is a love letter to the woman who will incubate my baby. A want ad for its first babysitter. You won’t have to change diapers, calm fussiness or warm bottles: For nine months I’d like to borrow your womb. Are you interested? Can we get coffee?

Since first dates are for back story… For five years, as a single woman, I’ve tried very hard to get pregnant. The good news: I have a litter of frozen embryos. The bad news: For reasons unknown, my uterus won’t let them implant. Rather than being the sticky surface embryos need to nestle in, my uterine lining repels them, like a cranky old lady on a porch rocking chair flicking mosquitoes off her shoulder.

Like many women who must leap into the hamster wheel of infertility, I’ve had almost every procedure, test and medication. Acronyms I never wanted to know — IUI, I.V.F., F.E.T., hCG, N.K., MTHFR — now fly off the tongue. Six uterine biopsies, hundreds of pills, countless injections in stomach and thighs. Hoping to fix my implantation problem, I’ve taken drugs that induce temporary hot-flashy menopause.

You’re no doubt curious about how I got here. It’s a long tale, best saved for a second date, but let’s just say it involved lesbianism at a time with few role models for queer parenthood. It involved my parents dying suddenly when I was 25 and 27, making the rest of my 20s — a time when many women are beginning the settle-down trajectory — a blur. And then it involved relationships with men who decided they didn’t want kids. So now I’m wooing a woman again. Not for sex but something even more intimate.

When you put down your coffee (if this works out, you’ll switch to tea, right?) you say I seem to be keeping it together. I am. But after years of infertility’s always-hopes and always-misses, devastation lurks beneath the surface. The kind of steel-toed grief that can kick over the stereo at a raucous dance party, transforming a festive moment into utter silence. The kind of grief that can clear a room.

I hope my back story has stoked your empathy. I know we’re only at the beginning of our courtship but might you be The One?

My doctor says your body mass index must be below 30, your age less than 40, and you’ve had at least one uncomplicated birth. You shouldn’t hate being pregnant. I’d like us to be close enough in age that you could never be my daughter.

Psychological evaluations will ensure we’re both ready for this relationship: that you won’t become impossibly attached, that I won’t wind up camping on your lawn or calling five times a day or sending more boxes of organic vegetables than you can eat. There will be medical screenings to guarantee your uterus is in tiptop shape and that you’re free of S.T.D.s. Background checks will ease any concerns; it’s important to know if you ever stole something that wasn’t yours.

There are financial questions too: your base compensation and any extras — maternity clothes, if bed rest, if a C-section, etc. Lawyers will draft contracts. And you must birth in a surrogacy-friendly state where this arrangement won’t incur us fines or jail time. I’m willing to get on a plane for you. Ideally you’re somewhere I can easily visit, chat on your couch, coo to your belly. There’s a lot to sort out before we can commit to each other. But please don’t be overwhelmed. We can do this.

From the get-go, our relationship will require extreme clarity. Some things we must agree on: how many embryos will be transferred into you; if we’d reduce triplets to twins; if we’d terminate for Down syndrome; if I can be in the delivery room, catch the baby, cut the cord; if you’ll provide breast milk; what kind of relationship we’ll have, if any, in years to come.

If you were an egg donor I’d care about I.Q., hair color, creative pursuits. Since I’m just subletting your womb I care about its square footage, if the appliances work, if it’s a safe neighborhood. You should have a robust support system. I wonder what your kids will think if you return, empty-handed, from the hospital.

My savior, hero, business partner, fun house mirror; you’re the embodiment of my body’s failure, the manifestation of my last hope. It’s a lot, I know. As in any relationship, it may take time to fully trust each other. Ideally you’ll care for my baby as if your own, with enough distance to keep your love in check.

I want us to feel like family. You will forever be imprinted on my child. It will have ingested your nutrients, felt your emotions. For its formative months, yours is the voice it will hear each day. Yours is the gait that will feel like home. When the baby comes into my arms, all of us joyously sobbing around the hospital bed, it may feel like adopting my biological child out of someone else’s body.

For you I will always be grateful. For you I may always be a tiny bit sad.

Surrogacy isn’t something one considers out of the gate. It comes later, every option exhausted, when addiction to the doctor’s “one more thing we could try to get you pregnant” has left you bone-crushingly drained. Although surrogacy is overwhelming — emotionally, financially — I desperately want a new conversation. I am sick of infertility being life’s dominant topic, bored of the broken record, ready to hear a bright new song.

Hello, you, reading this on the subway, could it be you? Or you, scrolling this on your phone at the grocery store? When we meet, we’ll know. Maybe it’s like love at first sight. Regardless, I can’t wait. Here’s my hand. It’s open. Reach out and grab it.

Our upcoming book, “Successful Surrogacy: Your Guide to Realizing Your Dreams of Parenthood Through Ukrainian Surrogacy” reveals the process, details and answers to embower you to start your Ukrainian Surrogacy Journey and ensure it will be an affordable, secure and happy experience.

Order your advance copy today! Our book is FREE, but the results will be PRICELESS!

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Testimonials

We have been very satisfied, I have been comfortable at the clinic and with my doctor. I was heard. I could ask any questions. I like you have hu-mor, despite the circumstances. Great clinic. Your service has been very good. You have been a huge support and very spacious. You have been available 24 hours a day. You have the answer to all the questions we have been asked. You have accommodated our nervousness, you have rejoiced with us, you have been there throughout. I could not have wished ...
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A and S
The communication with surrogate is easy and better than what we expected. The updates are provided as scheduled with occasional surprises
S
The support was great. It was easy on us that the coordination was done by the delivering dreams team while being completely transparent with us on the progress. The communication with the delivering dreams team was always fast, responsive, and easy.
E and K
Thank you kate. You have been great today and all the other days ❤ you are a great team. We are very satisfied and happy for your help.
Sonny
We were confident before in our choice, but this experience has confirmed beyond any doubt that we choose the best agency.
Doyles
I loved working with Susan and her team and highly recommend them to anyone considering her services. She's is great at every aspect of a process and knows how to handle delicate matters.
Diana Lyakhovetska
Susan truly understands the needs of parents using surrogacy, and offers comprehensive emotional support to parents as they experience the journey!
Christine Hughes Pontier
The team at Delivering Dreams is amazing! Their attention to detail and ability to put your mind at ease while growing your family is like none other. They handled everything for us, and I never once doubted they would help us accomplish our dreams.
Margaret Jones
I’ve known Susan for several years now, and I’ve always been impressed by her attention to her clients’ needs. I’ve known her to work ardently and diligently to solve whatever challenges, no matter how unique, that prevent her clients from completing their families. She is a problem-solver, and she earnestly believes in providing the best options and in making surrogacy opportunities realities: this is not merely a business for Susan. She will help customize the process for your needs and to ...
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Mary Woods
Susan has a keen sense of business and goes to the max to solve her clients’ problems. She is super knowledgeable on business, laws and how things work in surrogacy in general, and specifically on Ukrainian surrogacy. She is an advocate for transparency in a market that’s often opaque and full of hidden risks. I really enjoyed working with Susan. She really pays attention to detail and was always looking out for my best interest above all. Highly recommend!
Laurie Tham
Delivering Dreams goes above and beyond what other surrogacy agencies offer. After speaking with Susan, I see how they anticipate every part of the process, down to details that I had never even considered. I didn’t know what I didn’t know! Surrogacy can be really complicated and confusing. What an amazing sense of relief to have a company so dedicated to managing the WHOLE process and taking away as much of the stress as possible.
Kate Varness
I have gotten to know Susan through a group where we are members. I have found her to be a genuine and caring person. Her consideration for others and love of her work with Ukrainian surrogates and parents-to-be are evident in all her decision making. She is passionate about being a force for the greater good and helping where she can. I have been amazed at the way she is able to smoothly navigate the complicated maze of requirements in the surrogacy process. I am happy to give her my highest...
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Rose Anne Barbour Huck
Susan Kibler is kind.  She clearly loves those she works with and loves what she does.  Susan listens deeply and compassionately and can make you laugh all in the space of one conversation.  She is wonderful!  If you are feeling worried, she'll hear you.  If you have questions, she will find answers for you. If you need help, she does her very best to support you.  I feel so fortunate to have found her and imagine you will too.
Frances Russell
Susan has the ability to really connect on a personal level quickly.  I have found her easy to talk to and have been so grateful for her guidance.  She is one of those people who offers so much to her clients.  She sees the big picture and has a heart for the most intimate concerns.  She is highly skilled and able to manage what can certainly be challenging and uncomfortable experiences, making them feel easier.  She will take charge at the perfect times and guide you when you really need her...
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Susan Seare
The international surrogacy world is complicated. Susan Kibler knows its ins-and-outs. She knows the people and outfits you can trust and the ones to avoid. She insists on the best for her clients and handles the details so they don't have to worry about them. If you want to take the international surrogacy journey, you can trust Delivering Dreams International Surrogacy Agency to guide you on that path.
Nancy Linnerooth
My friend and I had a positive experience working with Susan. Susan is always super responsive and caring. She is very professional, helpful and reliable. My friend has soo much troubles trying having a baby for many years. My friend and her husband were about to give up their dream of having a baby. Susan Kersch Kibler found the way to help. She has unlimited energy, attentive to detail and super efficient. Great to work with!
Polina Clend
Susan is passionate about helping people become families. She is a trustworthy confidant to have on your side.
Kristen Ancker
Our experience with Delivering Dreams has been overwhelmingly positive. The team seems to be genuinely dedicated to helping us to realize our dream of having a child. The constant communication leading up to the trip and the numerous touch points made us feel comforted in what has been a very challenging and uncomfortable situation. We always had streamlined communication through the group chat and was frequently checked on during our stay.
Marilyn

Under Ukrainian law, surrogacy is a legal affordable option for traditionally married couples to have children using their own embryos, or with either an egg or sperm donor. There must be a medical reason you can’t carry a child. You are also able to participate if you have had 4 unsuccessful IVF attempts.

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Under Ukrainian law, surrogacy is a legal affordable option for traditionally married couples to have children using their own embryos, or with either an egg or sperm donor. There must be a medical reason you can’t carry a child. You are also able to participate if you have had 4 unsuccessful IVF attempts.