International Surrogacy

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Sunday, 06 September 2020 13:59

Surrogacy is misunderstood and unfairly maligned - we need to change the narrative

When I was pregnant with my son, I didn’t announce anything. I let photos of my growing bump speak for themselves. With twins on the way now, I’ve given a lot of thought to how to share the news because this pregnancy is completely different. Even people who have seen me in person would never even know, because my children will be born through a surrogate.

More and more, children are born through assisted reproductive technology. But where in vitro fertilization has become more commonplace, there remains an air of mystery, suspicion and misunderstanding around surrogacy. I certainly didn’t understand it until it became my only biological option to have more children.

My decision started with a medical mystery that yielded a diagnosis seemingly more fitting for a sci-fi novel. After numerous miscarriages and multiple failed rounds of IVF, I learned I am a genetic carrier of HY-restricting HLA class II alleles, which means that my son’s Y chromosome lingers and attacks all subsequent pregnancies. In essence, if you have this small genetic component and you have a boy, your odds of successfully carrying another child are slim to none. My husband and I could create an embryo, but my body could not carry it. So I started down the rabbit hole of surrogacy.

The most pervasive and damaging myth about surrogacy is that women choose it to avoid giving birth or messing up their bodies. Whenever I mentioned the most famous surrogacy advocate — Kim Kardashian — the consensus was that she didn’t want to get fat again. In truth, though, she has a dangerous condition called placenta accreta, where the placenta attaches too deeply to the uterine wall. But if Kardashian’s open revelations to her tens of millions of social media followers about her life-threatening health struggles couldn’t shift the narrative, it’s hard to imagine what could.

The reality is most of the people who choose surrogacy are heterosexual couples facing infertility or gay men who want to have a biological child. One of the most basic and primal decisions of many people’s lives is whether to have children and, if so, how many. It’s a decision made in private, without people saying that you’d be doing the world a favor by adopting (which, by the way, is also not easy or straightforward). Or people asking probing questions about why you chose to have two children instead of just one.

I’ve found that many people who advocate against surrogacy have multiple children of their own — a decision they were free to make without being questioned, because their bodies and sexual orientation made it easier to conceive. I am privileged to live in a time and be in a financial situation where I had choices. We could have adopted, or decided not to have more children. But that choice, thankfully, was one my husband and I got to make independently.

That choice isn’t a given for everyone, because surrogacy is more political than most people realize. Before my diagnosis, I didn’t know that surrogacy laws are different in each state, and that surrogacy is illegal in New York, where I live. Legislation to change that was shut down last year, and there is an array of advocates trying to end surrogacy on a national level.

The arguments against surrogacy raise valid points: Paid surrogacy commodifies women’s bodies and it’s not a purely altruistic act, because of the financial considerations. Even Gloria Steinem has advocated against it, saying it put “disenfranchised women at the financial and emotional mercy of wealthier and more privileged individuals.”

When I was considering surrogacy, all of these issues were on my mind. But then I spoke to people who were surrogates, and the more I delved into the issue, the more insulting I found those objections. We are all allowed to be paid for a whole host of things that are dangerous and invasive to our bodies — coal mining, extreme sports, going to war. And women have fiercely fought for the right to decide when we will or won’t be pregnant. The idea that potential surrogates are too naive to know the risks is condescending. And the concept that in the United States someone becomes a surrogate accidentally or against their will is laughable. Agencies and doctors involved in surrogacy have guidelines that require stringent background checks, physicals, conversations and psychological screenings.

Then there are the people who question women’s motives for being a surrogate. Opponents say that the financial component of being paid for the pregnancy negates any sense of accompanying altruism. But no one questions a soldier for being patriotic and wanting a salary. Both can be true and valid motives.

Any remaining doubts I had about the process were quelled when we were matched with a surrogate. She is a mother of two who loved being pregnant but didn’t want more children of her own. She was looking for an opportunity to earn some money but also be with her kids. She decided to become a surrogate so she could help others in a life-changing way while helping her own family. She had been a surrogate five times previously and created lasting bonds with families she helped build. This is not a woman unaware of what she is undertaking. This is a woman making a clear choice.

It’s strange but miraculous to watch our children grow from afar, in a state where surrogacy is legal, and with no control over anything that is happening to them for nine months. But we have to believe that we chose a person with the same values as us.

Which brings me to the other glaring misconception about the “ease” of using a surrogate. Many people react by pointing out the immense joy I should feel for having an excuse to get out of pregnancy: “Oh well at least you don’t have to get huge again!” or, “Hey, you can drink!” I usually smile and try to decide whether it’s worth explaining that I would give anything to be huge again, to feel my children growing in my body, to be able to breast-feed again. I would love to avoid the judgment of the sonogram tech who refused to let me FaceTime into an ultrasound because she didn’t “agree” with surrogacy. I feel fortunate to have found an incredible, compassionate surrogate, but I also mourn the loss of my ability to carry my own children.

Surrogacy is not an easy choice, and it is not undertaken without care and compassion for the woman who will give birth to someone else’s biological child. We should advocate for legal protections for surrogates, to mandate the things most doctors and agencies already ensure. We worked with an agency to make sure that our surrogate faced rigorous medical screenings for her own protection and ours, and we had her lawyer work with ours to write an equitable contract that protected her.

But the misunderstanding of the motives and the realities of the surrogates and the intended parents who pay them can be damaging to both sides. So those of us involved need to speak up, no matter how uncomfortable we may feel and despite the vitriol we might face (hello, comments section).

I want my children to grow up in a world where the method of how they came into it isn’t shrouded in misinformation. I want people to engage in educated conversations and disagreements so we can get to the best possible place to protect surrogates and the intended parents’ right to make the choice that works for them. But mostly, I want people to talk about surrogacy, to remove the stigma. We live in a world with new ethical and medical choices, so let’s talk about it.

Source: https://www.washingtonpost.com/

Learn More About International Surrogacy In Ukraine:

Delivering Dreams helps couples throughout the world struggling with infertility have children. Located in NJ and Kyiv and Lviv, Ukraine, our amazing medical facilities and professionals, surrogates and donors are in Ukraine, because Ukrainian law protects the rights of parents and their children from inception at affordable costs and high success rates.

Unique to Delivering Dreams, we offer guaranteed not to exceed, all-inclusive pricing and contracts under US law to provide prospective parents legal and financial security.1 in 6 couples are struggling with infertility. 

You are not alone. We want to be your path to parenthood. Contact us to find out more about how much does surrogacy cost.

Would you like to learn more? 

Please contact us to share your challenges, ask questions and discuss solutions. 

This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it., www.Delivering-Dreams.com and www.international-surrogacy.com, 1.908.386.3864

International surrogacy made simple!

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Testimonials

We have been very satisfied, I have been comfortable at the clinic and with my doctor. I was heard. I could ask any questions. I like you have hu-mor, despite the circumstances. Great clinic. Your service has been very good. You have been a huge support and very spacious. You have been available 24 hours a day. You have the answer to all the questions we have been asked. You have accommodated our nervousness, you have rejoiced with us, you have been there throughout. I could not have wished ...
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A and S
The communication with surrogate is easy and better than what we expected. The updates are provided as scheduled with occasional surprises
S
The support was great. It was easy on us that the coordination was done by the delivering dreams team while being completely transparent with us on the progress. The communication with the delivering dreams team was always fast, responsive, and easy.
E and K
Thank you kate. You have been great today and all the other days ❤ you are a great team. We are very satisfied and happy for your help.
Sonny
We were confident before in our choice, but this experience has confirmed beyond any doubt that we choose the best agency.
Doyles
I loved working with Susan and her team and highly recommend them to anyone considering her services. She's is great at every aspect of a process and knows how to handle delicate matters.
Diana Lyakhovetska
Susan truly understands the needs of parents using surrogacy, and offers comprehensive emotional support to parents as they experience the journey!
Christine Hughes Pontier
The team at Delivering Dreams is amazing! Their attention to detail and ability to put your mind at ease while growing your family is like none other. They handled everything for us, and I never once doubted they would help us accomplish our dreams.
Margaret Jones
I’ve known Susan for several years now, and I’ve always been impressed by her attention to her clients’ needs. I’ve known her to work ardently and diligently to solve whatever challenges, no matter how unique, that prevent her clients from completing their families. She is a problem-solver, and she earnestly believes in providing the best options and in making surrogacy opportunities realities: this is not merely a business for Susan. She will help customize the process for your needs and to ...
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Mary Woods
Susan has a keen sense of business and goes to the max to solve her clients’ problems. She is super knowledgeable on business, laws and how things work in surrogacy in general, and specifically on Ukrainian surrogacy. She is an advocate for transparency in a market that’s often opaque and full of hidden risks. I really enjoyed working with Susan. She really pays attention to detail and was always looking out for my best interest above all. Highly recommend!
Laurie Tham
Delivering Dreams goes above and beyond what other surrogacy agencies offer. After speaking with Susan, I see how they anticipate every part of the process, down to details that I had never even considered. I didn’t know what I didn’t know! Surrogacy can be really complicated and confusing. What an amazing sense of relief to have a company so dedicated to managing the WHOLE process and taking away as much of the stress as possible.
Kate Varness
I have gotten to know Susan through a group where we are members. I have found her to be a genuine and caring person. Her consideration for others and love of her work with Ukrainian surrogates and parents-to-be are evident in all her decision making. She is passionate about being a force for the greater good and helping where she can. I have been amazed at the way she is able to smoothly navigate the complicated maze of requirements in the surrogacy process. I am happy to give her my highest...
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Rose Anne Barbour Huck
Susan Kibler is kind.  She clearly loves those she works with and loves what she does.  Susan listens deeply and compassionately and can make you laugh all in the space of one conversation.  She is wonderful!  If you are feeling worried, she'll hear you.  If you have questions, she will find answers for you. If you need help, she does her very best to support you.  I feel so fortunate to have found her and imagine you will too.
Frances Russell
Susan has the ability to really connect on a personal level quickly.  I have found her easy to talk to and have been so grateful for her guidance.  She is one of those people who offers so much to her clients.  She sees the big picture and has a heart for the most intimate concerns.  She is highly skilled and able to manage what can certainly be challenging and uncomfortable experiences, making them feel easier.  She will take charge at the perfect times and guide you when you really need her...
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Susan Seare
The international surrogacy world is complicated. Susan Kibler knows its ins-and-outs. She knows the people and outfits you can trust and the ones to avoid. She insists on the best for her clients and handles the details so they don't have to worry about them. If you want to take the international surrogacy journey, you can trust Delivering Dreams International Surrogacy Agency to guide you on that path.
Nancy Linnerooth
My friend and I had a positive experience working with Susan. Susan is always super responsive and caring. She is very professional, helpful and reliable. My friend has soo much troubles trying having a baby for many years. My friend and her husband were about to give up their dream of having a baby. Susan Kersch Kibler found the way to help. She has unlimited energy, attentive to detail and super efficient. Great to work with!
Polina Clend
Susan is passionate about helping people become families. She is a trustworthy confidant to have on your side.
Kristen Ancker
Our experience with Delivering Dreams has been overwhelmingly positive. The team seems to be genuinely dedicated to helping us to realize our dream of having a child. The constant communication leading up to the trip and the numerous touch points made us feel comforted in what has been a very challenging and uncomfortable situation. We always had streamlined communication through the group chat and was frequently checked on during our stay.
Marilyn

Under Ukrainian law, surrogacy is a legal affordable option for traditionally married couples to have children using their own embryos, or with either an egg or sperm donor. There must be a medical reason you can’t carry a child. You are also able to participate if you have had 4 unsuccessful IVF attempts.

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Under Ukrainian law, surrogacy is a legal affordable option for traditionally married couples to have children using their own embryos, or with either an egg or sperm donor. There must be a medical reason you can’t carry a child. You are also able to participate if you have had 4 unsuccessful IVF attempts.