Supporting (and not) Those Struggling to Overcome Infertility
Or maybe you’re not struggling to get pregnant, you never want to get pregnant, or you’re the friend of someone who is trying to get pregnant. Maybe you’ve tried to offer them that silver lining and make them “feel better” about what they’re going through.
Please, Stop it. You won’t be able to silver line your friend so that she feels better. In fact, you should refrain from ever saying the following:
- At least, [followed by literally anything else]
- Have you considered, [insert phrases like: ‘just relaxing’, ‘acupuncture’, ‘standing on your head’, ‘this supplement’]
- Can’t you just adopt?
- It’ll happen when it’s meant to happen
Unintentionally, all of these minimize their pain, cast blame that implies this is somehow her fault, and are filled with sympathy when all your friend truly needs is someone to sit with her and let her feel. She’s already putting a ton of pressure on herself, so instead ask her things like, “This must really suck, how are you?” or “What do you need from me?” Hold space for your friend so that she’ll feel comfortable sharing with you in this impossibly tough journey.
From and article by Stephanie Ramos
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